2018 is starting off v strong and in the spirit of New Year, New Me, I thought I’d share some of my 2018 Resolutions. But since this is coming a good week and a half late, it should realistically lower your expectations for the transformation this year may yield.


-I vow to actually read Foreign Affairs and not just skim their free articles, because like, who’s really going to check me on those? I’ll start though because you never know when you’re going to get the call from Nikki Haley admitting she actually doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing and America needs you.

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-I pledge to watch more “Black Mirror” even though it terrifies me because I’m convinced it will make me better prepared for the technology uprising that will render humanity obsolete which I’m sure will have something to do with the FCC revoking net neutrality.

-When I achieve that beautiful thing called “livable wage”, I also resolve to actually contribute to the media I love and use everyday online. I usually click away that pesky “PLEASE GIVE US A MERE 50 CENTS SO WE CAN KEEP REPORTING ON THE OPOID CRISIS AND THE ONGOING WAR AND THE RHOHINGA PERSECUTION” banner on NYT and WaPo, but if we don’t support reliable media, who will?! Our president? Get outta here.

-Instead of being disingenuous with my reactions, I’m just gonna lay it all out there. I’ve been told my face is an open book, so why even pretend? Life’s too short to act like I’m fascinated by an aggressively one-sided conversation where I’m essentially no better than a cardboard cut-out, ya know?

-I promise that whenever someone mentions famed Irish actor Cillian Murphy, I will not audibly whisper “is a damn snack”.

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He’s spooky and mysterious and a little murder-y and I’M SOLD

-I resolve to watch less crappy movies that are useless to the betterment of my creativity and imagination and moral character. I should be limiting myself to useful bad movies, like underrated feminist opera Jupiter’s Ascent, hilariously tone-deaf Waterworld, or the combination of the two, The Wicker Man.

-I resolve to become more of a “regular” in my neighborhood. I’ve already got my “wine lady”, my “bubble tea guy”, and my favorite masseuse all to whom I am fiercely loyal, but I want to continue to map out the city with people who do their jobs so well and cheerfully, my day is made better by it.

– I vow to either delete Duolingo or go ahead and learn Romanian. I will stop stringing along that poor little owl with his high hopes.

– I promise to have hard conversations instead of feeling the need to apologize for being passionate about something delicate or shirking away from uncomfortable opposing opinions. As long as I actually back up what I say with action and seeking out all considerations, then I just need to go ahead and encourage difficult discourse, like “I actually think Mama Mia 2 will be a blemish on our progress as a people” and “Oprah will only be a viable presidential candidate if Gayle is her VP” and “Donald Trump is racist”.

-I resolve to temper my “research” on weird murders and cults. I’m *not* saying that I’ll stop cold turkey, but like, I’ll limit myself just to Netflix documentaries. I understand that I won’t be the one to find Shelley Miscavige or give JonBenét justice so I’ll back off.

-I vow to think of myself differently this year. I hate catching myself thinking things like “I can’t wear hoops. I’m just not a hoops person”. WHAT THE HECK IS A HOOPS PERSON? Just do it, Maggie! Wear hoops! Wear blue even though you were once told it clashes because you’re an autumn. Try out spinning and pencil skirts and hair dye and dancing and being loud and stand-up comedy and pushing into conversations even though you’ve told yourself you’re just not that person. That’s dumb.

-I resolve to start taking this blog more seriously but not like, annoyingly. I mean, I’d love it if you’d share it with your friends but just know, I’ll never betray your trust with obnoxious social media barrages. My goal is to be paid to host ads for luxury goat cheese, risky European budget airlines, and other on-brand products.

-I pledge to continue to pour myself into the things I care about most: social justice, feminism, empowerment, and bringing just a little bit of thoughtfulness and humor to this bizarre, beautiful world.

Happy 2018!

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