humor maybe · The Magpie Reviews

World Leaders Ranked by Competency….But Also Dreaminess

1. Justin Trudeau (Canada)

justin-trudeau

The joke was made during election season, but I’m still onboard with the mass emigration to Canada if only for the wise and competent leadership of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Not only is he woke bae, but he’s a tireless advocate for intersectional feminism, multiculturalism, environmentalism, and Canada’s indigenous people. He’s a father of three, devoted husband, welcomer of refugees, and has dreamy eyes. And not to totally floor you guys, but he doesn’t even tweet national security concerns and offensive personal attacks whenever he can’t sleep. So competent!

2. President Emmanuel Macron (France)

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At only 39-years-old, Macron is not only one of the youngest leaders of a superpower, but also a total bae. After wearing many hats, including philosophy student, investment banker, Deputy Secretary-General, Minister of Economy, and dreamboat, Macron threw his name into the 2017 race for president, successfully beating Dangerously Nationalist and All-Around Jerkface Marine Le Pen. As a centrist, he vows to unite the political factions and as a hunk, he vows to stare thoughtfully out windows during candid photo shoots. Ladies, if you love a man who loves science and sustainable development, look no further, but also know he’s super in love with his wife but has the decency not to make creepy comments about other leaders’ partners! So competent!

3./4. Young Joe Biden AND Young Bernie Sanders (America)

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You may be wondering how the ghosts of Young Joe Biden and Young Bernie Sanders qualify for the list of world leaders, but if you have to ask, then you’re deeply out of touch with baby millennials. Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders basically run THE REBELLION right now and their pictures as young dreamboats did more to mobilize millennials than the entire Hillary Clinton campaign ever did. The former VP/America’s Favorite Granddad and the Democratic Socialist presidential candidate/Senator have been vocal dissenters of Pres. Trump and continue to encourage the American public to become involved in the politics that affect them. And they definitely denounced white nationalism immediately and whole-heartedly! So competent!

5. Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck (Bhutan)

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The 37-year-old Dragon King of Bhutan is not only incredibly dreamy but also your new world leader crush. Funnily enough, he went to a tiny liberal arts school near Boston to study International Relations, so we’re basically the same person…except then he went to Oxford and ascended to power so…. As a bae, he caused an international frenzy in Thailand as press dubbed him “Prince Charming” but then he married the love of his life and they now have a baby. Cue the “awwwwws”. As a leader, he’s overseeing the democratization of Bhutan, has made diplomatic ties with India, provides immensely popular volunteer training for natural disasters, and practices Kidu- a sacred tradition that mandates the king to serve his people selflessly. I mean, a leader who puts his people first???! Crazy, right??!!

6. Prince Carl Philip (Sweden)

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Sure he’s fourth-in-line to the throne but he’s #1 in my heart! How does one man get to be all things??! Gorgeous, Swedish, royalty, race car driver, dad to two sons, married to a real-life Princess Sophia, possessor of a jawline so strong it could knock the toupée off Trump. He basically lives the life of a retired 80s soap star- he designs things like CD covers and calendars for charity and pursues his hobbies while also being a total babe. He looks like he just walked out of Central Casting for Rom-Com Prince. I mean, sure there’s nothing really about his competency as a leader (he did serve in the Navy though) but HE WAS BULLIED AS A CHILD FOR HAVING DYSLEXIA so he makes the LIST!

7. King Felipe VI (Spain)king20of20spain20felipe20viFine, as monarch, King Felipe VI is little more than a handsome silver fox who serves as an honorary head of government while the PM deals with all the politics, BUT his people really like him and he serves them well. Including attending royal events and touring his country, he competed at the Olympics in the 90s for sailing (a preppy but objectively attractive sport) and speaks five languages (also objectively attractive). After a Princess Diaries II: The Royal Wedding-esque real life experience of finding a wife, he’s now married to a former CNN reporter and is the proud dad of two girls. His 11-year-old daughter is heir presumptive, which is super dope. He was also recognized by the UN for his advocacy for volunteer work AND he never passed a racist Muslim ban Trojan-horsing as a travel ban that’s been blocked by the Supreme Court….twice. I know, what a catch!

8. Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum (Dubai) 34001e584d6dfe8b2c2b0ddf54379b39-arab-men-prince-charmingAvid photographer? Check. Really into falconry? Check. Advanced degrees from the London School of Economics? Check. Into extreme sports and looking dapper while doing them? Check. The Crown Prince next in line to lead Dubai has already started representing the small nation at international events and councils, and is attempting to change stereotypes about Middle Eastern leaders. He will most definitely write poetry for you while riding horseback AND would most likely never bad-talk America’s Reigning Monarch Dame Meryl Streep. So competent!

9. Prince Mateen (Brunei)hot-prince-of-brunei-on-a-planeThe 10th child of the Sultan of Brunei (6th-in-line to the throne) is a Regulation Hottie with a master’s from the University of London, a career in the military, and is single, ladies. His hair defies gravity and his pout says he’ll defy his father for your hand. He’s the heir to a billionaire’s fortune, may illegally own tigers as pets, and wakes up looking like he’s on the cover of GQ. One can only guess at his competency but even this 25-year-old Adonis makes a better politician than our temper tantrum-throwing muppet-looking ball of outdated prejudices we call POTUS.

10. Bjarni Benediktsson (Iceland)bjarni_benediktsson_vilhelm_gunnarssonPronounced more like “Journey” than what I assumed was just “Barney” with a slur, Prime Minister Benediktsson has also served as Minister of Finance and Economic Affairs as well as a practicing lawyer but he’s still a thief for stealing your heart! Okay fine, he has some icky skeletons in his closet (namely a little bit of ties with the Panama Papers and the fact that him and his wife are swingers) but he did lead Iceland in becoming the first country in the world to mandate equal pay for all people by holding employers accountable. That’s a far cry from what constitutes as locker-room talk by our Chief of Sexism who just allowed Title IX to be scrapped to protect potential rapists on college campuses! Four for you, Bjarni! You go, Bjarni!

11. President Enrique Pena Nieto (Mexico)pena-nieto

So what he has an approval rating of 12%? President Nieto is the haircut the world needs. He’s run into a significant number of gaffes and controversies in his presidency and while I’d classify him as “extremely problematic”, he can stay on the list because I feel like half of his job right now is repeatedly reminding Trump that Mexico won’t pay for The Wall, so he’s got a lot on him. And just look at this picture and remember the days when our continent was adorable.

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(Honorable Mention: Prince Harry and Prince William (aka the British Baes) were not included because I never want them to succeed power because LONG LIVE THE QUEEN ammirite? Literally God save her; the world cannot take her passing.)

You may be thinking, “hey wait, Maggie, did you just trick me into learning about some of obscene things Pres. Trump has done that makes him unfit to be the Leader of the Free World by showing me pictures of hunky and woke world leaders???” 

….Yes, yes I did.

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