humor maybe

The Ten Disney Characters You’ll Meet in College

1. Cinderella

Cinderella was your roommate on your semester abroad. When she is in the States, she is diligent, hard-working, and even self-sacrificing. But living abroad, after midnight…. she’s a hot mess. Always skipping town, going to clubs, meeting random princes, Cin is all about the parties and style. You swear she comes home missing shoes!

2. Kuzco

Kuzco is that kid that you don’t really remember meeting but now is just everywhere in your life. He’s narcissistic and vain but somehow totally endearing. He’s your go-to guy for anything involving dancing or exuding confidence. Besides, he’s loaded so expense is nothing. He’s a fixer-upper but at least a fun one!

3. Belle

Belle is the girl that you met in your creative writing class. She’s from a small town so everything is interesting and curious to her. She’s whip-smart and is up-to-date with all the best books. She’s even exceptionally pretty and turns down all the dumb players who chase after her. The only problem- her beast of a boyfriend that no one likes. He’s loud, hairy, and has anger problems. She spends all her time at his place and is only friends with his friends. Has she even talked to her family recently? She’d be so much better without him.

4. Aladdin

Aladdin was your study partner in Geography who never showed up to any reviews. He’s never properly dressed and you’re pretty sure that he’s never bought an actual meal all year. He’s so cheap that he lives off of the free sugar packets and croutons he sneaks from the bistro. Rumor has it, he even snuck a small animal into the dorms. Even though he’s a total slacker ne’er-do-well, he somehow has the most perfect girlfriend who swears he’s secretly a prince. Unexplainable, really.

5. Tiana

Tiana’s your junior year roommate. She’s great and lovely and sassy and hard-working. But it’s impossible not to compare your lives. The girl works a part-time job, has a killer internship, is a TA, a RA, has a 4.0, and a bright, bright future as an entrepreneur! Today you put on real pants, so you’ve at least got that going for you.

6. Simba

You met Simba in your Accounting class, when he proudly announced that he really didn’t need to be there because he’s taking over his father’s dynastic financial empire when he graduates. Haughty, confident, the king of campus, Simba has all the opportunity in the world all because he was born into the right family. One day, though, he’ll have to prove himself and you can’t wait for then.

7. Megara

Megara is your neighbor who lived on your freshman year floor. She is the sassiest, most sarcastic, coolest person you know but you could never let on how much you thought so. While she’s totally independent and awesome, she’s still hung up on that first love that scorned her. For all of the leather jacket attitude she throws, she’s actually a total softie. Also, how did she always have the best hair?? Tell me your secrets!

8. Tarzan

He hibernates in the winter but you’ve seen this guy shirtless on the quad more times than not. He’s in every intramural league and when he’s not tossing around the ol’ Frizbee, he’s skateboarding effortlessly around campus. But more than that, his dreadlocks game is on point. He’s also totally fun to be in class with. It’s like he’s learning for the first time. What’s Marxism? What’s a constitutional monarchy? What’s democracy? It’s like, geez, where was this guy raised?? Under a rock?

9. Ariel

Ariel is that girl that you met when she was crying outside your dorm room at 2 am. She’s pretty, that’s a given, but boy is she dramatic! Every week is a new tragedy, it seems. She’s so boy-crazy that she followed her crush to college, changing everything about herself to appease him. If you hear “but Daddy, I love him!” on the phone from her one more time…

10. Elsa

Elsa is the president of your school’s Feminist Awareness Group. Not only is she basically perfect and the master of the “cold-hearted ice queen” look, she’s all about women in leadership. Not aggressive, just impressive.  When she’s not smashing the patriarchy, she’s calling out administration for their lack of female representation and bringing awareness to the real issues of intersectionality and feminism. She’s totally your inspiration.

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